Words I Wish I Wrote: 25 Quotes About Babies

Yes, I am slightly singularly focused on this one topic lately – except for the Wombats post, that is – but it's understandable, don't you think?  Though this is our third pregnancy, we never got past a few weeks the first two times.  All off this is new and exciting for me and Mary both.  It's on my mind, and on my heart, and that's what I'm going to write about.  A lot.  That being said, I didn't write anything past this paragraph, but I like a lot of the sentiments expressed here.  Some of them just make me laugh.  Hope you'll enjoy them as well. ~ JH

1)  "A baby is born with a need to be loved – and never outgrows it."  ~  Frank Howard Clark

2)  "A baby is God's opinion that life should go on."  ~  Carl Sandburg

3)  "A man is not complete until he has seen the baby he has made."  ~  Sammy Davis, Jr.

4)  "Carrying a baby is the most rewarding experience a woman can enjoy."  ~  Jayne Mansfield

5)  "Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption."  ~  Paul Reiser

6)  "Having a baby is one of the most wonderful things in your life, as well as the hardest thing in your life."  ~  Nuno Bettencourt

7)  "Here we have a baby. It is composed of a bald head and a pair of lungs."  ~  Eugene Field

8)  "I couldn't wait to look at someone who shared my genes. I thought my baby was going to provide a decoder key to my past. But then I looked at [my child] and realized, no, [she's] actually the key to my future."  ~  Emily Procter

9)  "I knew it was going to be the most extraordinary thing in my life, but how powerful it is, you can never know until you have a baby."  ~  Celine Dion

10)  "If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call [her] dear baby 'it'..."  ~  T.S. Eliot

11)  "It is a pleasant thing to reflect upon, and furnishes a complete answer to those who contend for the gradual degeneration of the human species, that every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last."  ~  Charles Dickens

12)  "It's extraordinary to look into a baby's face and see a piece of your flesh and your spirit. It makes you realize you are a part of the human race."  ~  Liam Neeson

13)  "Loving a baby is a circular business, a kind of feedback loop. The more you give the more you get, and the more you get the more you feel like giving."  ~  Penelope Leach

14)  "My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."  ~  Steven Wright

15)  "Parenthood always comes as a shock. Postpartum blues? Postpartum panic is more like. We set out to have a baby; what we get is a total take-over of our lives."  ~  Polly Berrien Berends

16)  "Make no mistake about why these babies are here – they are here to replace us."  ~  Jerry Seinfeld

17)  "Most of us would do more for our babies than we have ever been willing to do for anyone, even ourselves."  ~  Polly Berrien Berends

18)  "They're not the sharpest people – babies. So you must be everything to them."  ~  Paul Reiser

19)  "Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach...it [ticks] me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say, 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'"  ~  Steven Wright

20)  "Everyone knows that by far the happiest and universally enjoyable age of man is the first. What is there about babies which makes us hug and kiss and fondle them, so that even an enemy would give them help at that age?"  ~  Desiderius Erasmus

21)  "Babies have big heads and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms and legs. So did the aliens at Roswell! I rest my case."  ~  William Shatner

22)  "Father asked us what was God's noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are."  ~  Louisa May Alcott

23)  "Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit."  ~  Bill Cosby

24)  "It is the nature of babies to be in bliss."  ~  Deepak Chopra

25)  "No one likes change but babies in diapers."  ~  Barbara Johnson

I Heard Your Heartbeat (Poem)

I heard your heartbeat. Now I know that you're real.

I know that's ridiculous, but that's how I feel.

Seeing that first grainy picture six weeks ago –

Proof you were in the right place – that was good to know.

But I needed more to convince me you're still inside.

The signs are all there, but so much is implied.

I needed to see you, but it was still way too soon.

So today as we made our way back to that room

I said a quick prayer that this time we could hear you.

Then the midwife placed her device oh-so-near you

And listened – we listened too – it was so quiet.

But, yes, there it was, and we couldn't deny it!

Ka-thunka, ka-thunka, ka-thunka – your heartbeat –

Tears welling up in my eyes – it was so sweet!

My son or my daughter, I don't even care which

As long as you're healthy – and if not, even then –

I'll love you – I do love you – your mom feels the same

I can't wait to meet you, and call you by name.

Things I Find Fascinating: 10 Interesting Things About Wombats

I'm taking a break from "baby talk" today. Don't worry – there'll be plenty of it to come. I just needed to take a brief respite for some much-needed weirdness. So please indulge me, and maybe even stick with me...you might learn a few things. (Albeit things you may never have a reason or opportunity to put into practice, but still...)

A wombat – much cuter than it sounds, huh?

1)  Wombats live primarily in the forested, mountainous, and heathland areas of Southeastern Australia, including Tasmania, as well as in the Epping Forest National Park in central Queensland.  So, for those of you who were hoping one might suddenly crop up in your back yard, it's probably not going to happen, unless you live Down Under.

Where to go to avoid wombats (anywhere that's not shaded red)

2)  These short-legged, muscular quadrupedal marsupials are mostly nocturnal, but will occasionally venture out to feed on cool or overcast days.  Their diet consists mostly of grasses, sedges, herbs, bark, and roots. So, if you see a wombat at the zoo, you probably won't want to give it the other half of your hamburger. It's strictly a vegetarian.

Grazing wombat (no hidden dragon)

3)  Wombats use their rodent-like front teeth and powerful claws to dig extensive burrow systems.  Being marsupials, they carry their young in a pouch, but the wombat's pouch is backward-facing so that when they dig they will not sling dirt into the pouch over their children. Very considerate of them, don't you think?

Wombats really dig digging

4)  Wombats are slowpokes, in more ways than one. First of all, wombats have an extraordinarily slow metabolism, taking around 8 to 14 days to complete digestion, which comes in handy since they live in generally arid conditions and don't run across food as often as they'd like. Secondly, wombats move slowly in general. However, when a wombat is threatened, all bets are off. Those little boogers can get up to 25 mph and maintain that speed for up to a minute and a half!

5)  Wombats can "donkey-kick" their way out of getting eaten by predators.  Natural prey for dingos and Tasmanian devils (yes, that's a real animal!), pursued wombats retreat to the nearest tunnel, using their rump to block the attacker from reaching them. Sometimes, a wombat will allow an intruder to force its head over their back and will then use their powerful legs to crush the skull of the predator against the roof of the tunnel, or drive it off with two-legged "donkey kicks." Neither of those two options sounds like something I would like to experience, so therefore I will not be pursuing any wombats into their tunnels anytime soon. Not even just to say "hello."

Angry wombats are not to be trifled with.

6)  Speaking of which: Should you ever happen to stumble upon an angry wombat in the wild (or in the zoo), it may be a good idea to scale the nearest tree and wait for the wombat to calm down and/or vacate the area.  Humans can quite easily receive puncture wounds from wombat claws as well as bites. Startled wombats can also charge humans and bowl them over, causing them to break bones in the process, or worse. In 2010, a 59-year-old man from Victoria was mauled by a wombat (thought to have been angered by mange – the wombat, not the man), causing a number of cuts and bite marks requiring hospital treatment.

Bruce "Don't Call Me Kris" Kringle was in the wrong place
at the wrong time, and caught the brunt of a wombat's wrath.

7)  Wombats expel cube-shaped poop.  Because I know you were wondering about that. You weren't? Oh, well... Consider it a bonus!

Wombat poop – kinda looks like a lumpy crab cake.

8)  While wombats are generally quiet animals, they are capable of emitting a variety of interesting noises.  When in the vicinity of a wombat, you might hear them making hissing sounds (when angered), pig-like squeals (for mating calls), grunting noises (when a piece of bark tastes especially good), low growls (when warning you to climb the nearest tree), hoarse coughs (when they're hoarse or during cold season), and clicking noises (just for the heck of it). When sleeping, wombats will sometimes snore as well.

9)  The world's oldest wombat lived to be 34 years and 7 months old.  Carver, a Southern hairy-nosed wombat, who lived at the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago, passed away on October 1, 2009. No other wombat, in captivity or in the wild, has ever been known to live that long. Being 34 years and 2 months old myself, I am extremely glad right now that I am not a wombat. There are other reasons I'm glad I'm not, but this one's pretty high up on the list.

Carver, oldest living wombat (now dead)

10)  Since 2005, October 22nd has been designated as Wombat Day in Australia.  Though this is an unofficial holiday and no one gets to miss a day of work because of it, most Australians will bow their heads and observe a moment of silence for wombats everywhere at least twice on this day each year. (Okay, I'm making that last part up – so sue me!) In actuality, Wombat Day is used to raise awareness for and to solicit donations for wildlife protection and preservation organizations in Australia – which is a worthy cause indeed.

Wombat orphan "Yango" at a wildlife facility,
where he's being nursed back to health

Sources:  Wikipedia.org;  wombania.com; wombatsinfo.com

You Might Have Seen It Coming...

After yesterday's announcement that my wife and I are expecting our first child in January, I thought it only fair to let you know that I've been hinting around about this quite frequently for the past six weeks, both here in my blog posts and in my Facebook status updates. Some of you might have picked up on one or more of these "clues." If you didn't, don't feel bad. I went out of my way to skirt around this greatest-of-all-possible-secrets in the vaguest, least-likely-to-be-discovered ways, so as not to prematurely spill the beans. But I still couldn't resist dropping hints.

In case you missed them, here's a summary of some of the "clues" I've posted since May 11th, the day we found out we were expecting:


1)  TELLING TITLES:  On May 15th, I wrote a story called "Dead Rabbit." Two days later (May 17th), I wrote one called "Renting Out The Guest Room." On May 23rd, I posted a skit called "Waiting For Something." On May 31st, I posted a story called "Table For Three." While none of the content of these stories specifically had anything to do with pregnancy, all of their titles are either common or obscure euphemisms for pregnancy, or they directly refer to the varying aspects of an expanding family.


2)  ALPHA ALLUSIONS:  I've written an inordinate amount of alpha poetry in the past six weeks, and a large chunk of these poems either directly or indirectly referred to our impending parenthood. Just a few examples...

*  The first poem in the May 21st post reads as follows: "An interesting condition you find yourself in and don't wish to find your way out. Could it be something you've long dreamed and hoped for? There seems to be no room for doubt." Not that most people would know this (I didn't beforehand), but the phrase "an interesting condition" is a Victorian Era euphemism for pregnancy. The poem itself expresses our joy at a potentially successful pregnancy after years and years of dreaming, hoping, and praying. 

Another poem in this cycle reads: "Getting even and staying that way is fine for a time. But you find that someday you want more, you long for it, praying to God, that somehow and some way you can go back to odd." This one doesn't scream "we're pregnant," but it does have a deeper meaning. Let's do the math: When you're single, you're one person, and one is an odd number. When you find someone to spend your life with – though the two become "one" – you are still two individuals, and two is an even number. When you have a child, the family of two becomes a family of three, and three is an odd number. And there you have it. 

Yet another poem in this cycle reads as follows:  "Harbor your fugitives, keep them protected. Just act natural, and they'll remain undetected. When the time's right (you can't be too hasty), unfetter tethers and release them to safety." First of all, "harboring a fugitive" is another cutesy-cutesy euphemism for being pregnant, so there's that. Secondly, the whole point of the poem is that – knowing you're pregnant but no one else can know yet – you do all you can to "act natural" until the time is right to break the news. Finally, the "unfetter tethers" bit refers to delivering the baby, the "tethers" being the umbilical cord.

The final poem in this set alludes to the previous two pregnancies we've had in the past, and the great pain that our losses caused. It reads: "Missing what you've never heard is like pretending good is bad. You can, at times, convince yourself that what is not is something else. But what it really means to lose, is having – taken – never used – an emptiness, a hollow space – a broken heart and featureless face. These are things you never know you missed until they tell you so."


*  The May 29th half-cycle of alpha poetry included the following poem, which was so blatantly obviously about pregnancy (to me, at least) that I was genuinely surprised no one picked up on it. It read:  "Special delivery – is this for me? I didn't order it. I wasn't expecting to receive anything. I placed an order long ago, but that one was canceled. Apparently, they were out of stock or it had been shipped to the wrong address, or something like that. But this? Now? Are you sure you've got the right house? I can see that it has my name on it, but I don't know why they've sent it. I guess I shouldn't ask that question. I should take what I've been given and simply say 'thank you.'" And I should. And I did. We both did.

Another poem in this cycle expressed my frustration at trying desperately not to spill the beans, despite the fact that – per my self-imposed blogging goal – I have to write about something every day, and the one thing that really want to talk about is the one thing I can't. The poem reads: "This is me acting natural, as though there's nothing to hide, as though it's all out in the open. This is my clown mask, mean to distract. Are you distracted? This is my poker face, meant to confuse. Are you confused? This is the substance of things hoped for. Do you believe?"

*  The June 2nd alpha poetry post was also filled with hints, many of them dealing with my ongoing battles to keep my big mouth shut and not give anything away in my writing. I also dealt with questions and fears about impending fatherhood.

The "A" poem here was written to express my fears that any child of mine would inherit my weirdness. It read:  "Acorns don't fall far from trees, so I worry when I think of me, and all the quirks and crazy things my mind cooks up – what does that mean? I dare to wish (with hesitation) there's hope for the next generation."

In the "F" poem here, I was brutally honest about my feelings. I didn't (and still don't) know enough about what all is involved in pregnancy and delivery. But I'm voraciously reading the pregnancy books now to "catch up on the things I've missed by giving up and letting go" because "now I know I have to know."


The meaning of the "H" poem here is now self-evident. It reads: "Hard to swallow, harder to deny. This is hello and not goodbye. We've never been this far before. But here we are, and there is more."

In the "Y" poem, I somewhat comically "scolded" our unborn child, though I did explain myself later in the poem. It read: "You've got some nerve coming in here, rocking the boat, demanding all kinds of changes, staying as long as you feel like it. You know what you can do? Make yourself at home – that's what you can do."


*  The June 12th half-stack of alpha poetry included a few more hints. For example...

The "C" poem once again tackled my self-imposed silence, and my struggle with that. It read: "Cat got my tongue? No, I'm holding it willingly. Bursting to tell someone, it's almost killing me. Sooner than later the time will have come. A sigh of relief when it's all said and done."

The "H" poem here was a love song – of sorts – to our unborn child, as well as an open admission of my current unpreparedness. It read: "Head over heels in love with someone I can't even see. Weeks from now I will, but today, it's still a dream. Scared that when we meet I won't be ready – I won't know all that I'm supposed to after the first "hello." I'm new at this, I'm awkward, and I think I'm learning slow. My goal – like theirs – until that time is – every day – to grow."


The "L" poem here's meaning will now be self-evident: "Light at the end of the tunnel seems much brighter these days – not just in dreams. Could it be that the dark is lifting? Could it be that the tide is shifting? Steady footing on a slippery slope reminds me there is always hope."

*  A few scattered lines from the June 18th alpha poetry post also contained clues...

In the "T" poem here, I wrote: "Taken by surprise, I put on my best 'whoa!' face. And the funny thing is, I'm not even acting! How is this even possible? I'm still in shock, weeks later. They say seeing is believing – well, I will, and I will. Hearing helps too – that comes sooner. But knowing it to be true – unseen and unheard – just knowing is still enough to blow me away."

The "W" poem here reads: "What do you do when everything changes? What do you do when your mind is blown? What do you say when things are strangest? What do you say when you're facing the known? I'll tell you when I find out."

3)  RANDOM REFERENCES:  Every now and then, in the middle of an otherwise completely unrelated post, I would slip in a little hint or clue that I knew would never be detected unless you knew to look for it. For example...

*  On May 18th, I posted a list of "The 20 Worst Songs I've Ever Heard." The #2 song on the list was Paul Anka's "You're Having My Baby." In my comments about that song, I discussed the various aspects of pregnancy – "morning (and sometimes night) sickness, swollen feet, strange cravings" – aspects that I was already seeing first-hand in my own wife at that time.

*  On May 24th, I posted a list of "40 Interesting Things About The Number 40." Number 7 on the list read as follows: "The average term of pregnancy...is 40 weeks. How amazing that a brand new human being can come into existence in so short a time – though most women would probably agree that those are the longest 40 weeks of their lives!" As aforementioned, this factoid about pregnancy was placed at number 7, which was completely intentional, since Mary was 7 weeks pregnant at the time.

*  On May 27th, I posted "Drabble On And On... – Three Kitchen-Themed Drabbles." These stories in and of themselves had nothing to do with pregnancy. However, there was, embedded in each one, a clue. The first drabble, entitled "The Cookie Jar," featured a character named Heinrich Zwangerschap. Unless you're fluent in Dutch, you wouldn't have caught this – but the word "zwangerschap" just happens to be the Dutch word for "pregnancy." But wait, there's more! The main character in the third drabble, which is entitled "Get-By Goulash," is named Dora Terhesség. Dora, as described in the story, is Hungarian by birth. If you had happened to look up the word "terhesség" in an online translator, you would have found that it too translates into English as "pregnancy." In that story, I also used the phrase "the family way", which is yet another cutesy euphemism for pregnancy. The second story's clue exists solely in its title. I knew I couldn't get away with titling a story "A Bun In The Oven" – that phrase is way too obvious as a pregnancy euphemism. But if I shortened it to simply "In The Oven," I figured I might could sneak it in there.

*  On June 5th, I posted a collection of three unusual drabbles . In the second one, entitled "Alexis' Exes," the first-person narrator, whom we assume to be Alexis, lists off a number of guys with whom she has been recently involved, none of whom had worked out as long-term relationships. When you look at the first letter of each of these guys' names in order, you will find an interesting message that I'm 100% certain no one who read this noticed (and why would they?):
Will
Eddy
Roscoe
Eli
Petie
Rob
Elliott
Gus
Nick
Andy
Nate
Tim


If you were to go back and look over any one of my posts since May 11th, you'd be likely to find quite a few more clues and hints other than the ones I've listed here. I just couldn't help myself from throwing little stuff in here and there. But now that it's all out in the open, I won't toy with you, the reader, any longer. I'll just say what's on my mind without veiling it in vague minutiae.

Thank you all for your many congratulations on our pregnancy, and for your continued prayers that we will have a happy, healthy pregnancy without complications. Stay tuned here, and I'll keep you all posted on how things are progressing.

Grace and peace!

~ JPH

Baby Pictures

Baby Mary and her first
BFF, Winnie The Pooh

Baby Jason, rockin' some
groovy red-striped socks

Baby Mary, cooperating quite
nicely for the photographer

Baby Jason, wearing – more
than eating – a bowl of grits

Baby Mary, pretty then and pretty now

Baby Jason, smiling like he knows something

Wonder what this little one will end up looking like?

BABY HILL
(At 6 Weeks)
Due To Arrive 
On Or Around 
January 5th, 2013!

Interesting Quotes By Guys Named Mark

1)  "By giving people the power to share, we're making the world more transparent."  ~  Mark Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook.com


2)  "Every life is narrow. Our only escape is not to run away, but to learn to love the people we are and the world in which we find ourselves."  ~  Mark Haddon, novelist


3)  "I never lie. I believe everything I say, so it's not a lie."  ~  Mark Wahlberg, actor


4)  "Silence is so accurate."  ~  Mark Rothko, artist


5)  "Swimming isn't everything; winning is."  ~  Mark Spitz, swimmer


6)  "I became an actor so I didn't have to be myself."  ~  Mark Ruffalo, actor


7)  "Every faculty and virtue I possess can be used as an instrument with which to worry myself."  ~  Mark Rutherford, writer


8)  "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."  ~  Mark Twain, writer


9)  "I haven't inherited the earth from my parents, I am borrowing it from my children."  ~  Mark Udall, politician


10)  "Each moment is a place you've never been."  ~  Mark Strand, poet 


11)  "I'm not here to discuss the past...I'm here to be positive."  ~  Mark McGwire, baseball player


12)  "All generalizations are false, including this one."  ~  Mark Twain, writer


13)  "I haven't celebrated coming in # 2 too many times."  ~  Mark Messier, hockey player


14)  "I felt like a raisin in a giant fruit salad, and I didn't even know who the cantaloupes were."  ~  Mark Hamill, actor


15)  "I just want to be able to play and make people feel good with what I do. When you're thinking that way, anything can happen. And, usually, what happens is good."  ~  Mark Knopfler, musician

10 Christian Songs I Just Can't Seem To Stop Listening To (Non-Rap)

1)  LIGHTS ~ "Cactus In The Valley" – There's just so much raw emotion in the lyrics of this song, and I can relate to it in so many ways. I consider it a bonus that the music is hauntingly beautiful, too.

2)  Audrey Assad ~ "Restless" – This is another song that I just want to belt out with all my heart, because it's so true. "I'm restless, until I rest in you, O God..." You can't get much better than that!

3)  Phil Wickham ~ "Safe" – Just when you thought I was only going to pick female singers! The studio version of this song has backing vocals by Bart Millard, lead singer of MercyMe, but Phil holds his own here by himself. Beautiful music, awesome lyrics!

4)  Caedmon's Call ~ "Mystery Of Mercy" – "My God, my God, why hast thou accepted me? It's a mystery of mercy..." Wow...just, wow! This one never gets old, because I see myself in so many of the people mentioned here.

5)  Sidewalk Prophets ~ "You Can Have Me" – The singer asks: "When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming?" Great questions, both. He continues: "Forgetting what the world has told me, Father of Love, you can have me!" Amen to that!

6)  Addison Road ~ "Change In The Making" – "There's a better version of me that I can't quite see, but things are gonna change." Yes, please! The song continues: "This is me under construction, this is my pride being broken. And every day I'm closer to who I'm meant to be – I'm a change in the making."

7)  Kari Jobe ~ "Revelation Song" – I don't care how many times I hear this song or watch this video. I get chills every time! This is by far one of the most powerful songs I've ever heard. And sorry, Phillips, Craig, and Dean, but Kari Jobe's version of the song will ALWAYS be my favorite!

8)  Casting Crowns ~ "East To West" – "I don't wanna end up where You found me, and it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight..." How often I feel like I'm "just one mistake away" from God leaving me where I am. But this song reminds me every time – He's forgiven me, and He'll never leave me!

9)  Kara ~ "We All Bow Down" – "Losers and winners, saints and sinners, one day we'll see His face...And we'll all bow down. Kings will surrender their crowns, and worship Jesus, for He is the love, unfailing love, He is the love of God." Can't wait for that day!

10)  Big Daddy Weave ~ "Audience Of One" – "And now just to know You more has become my great reward. To see Your kingdom come, and Your will be done – I only desire to be Yours, Lord." This is the prayer of my heart as well.

BONUS TRACK:  Sara Groves ~ "First Song That I Sing" – I wish I could say that I lived this song out every day. I don't. But I want to. And I'll never stop trying.

An Interview With HIS Radio's CJ Mason

Today, I'm putting on my journalist cap (which I've rarely if ever worn) and interviewing an actual person, and not just an imaginary version of myself. (See here.)

As I've mentioned here previously, one of the many professions I aspired to as a youngster was that of a radio announcer.  Thirty-plus years later and it still hasn't happened yet – but I'm no longer even getting my hopes up.  And that's perfectly fine, since I think I've found my niche – as a writer (for good or ill).

That being said, I thought it would be fun to chat with someone who's actually living one of my dreams, and doing so in the genre of music that I enjoy listening to the most: Christian music.

Here in Eastern North Carolina, we're blessed to have a great Christian radio station like HIS Radio, which not only pumps a wide variety of wholesome music into our ears on a daily basis, but is also responsible for bringing some great artists and bands to perform (or rather, to minister) in our area.

One of the most recognizable voices at our local HIS Radio affiliate is that of CJ Mason, the Community Outreach Coordinator (and Board Operator, and Announcer).  For some reason, CJ – whom I am friends with on Facebook, though we've never met personally – agreed to let me interview her for the blog.  My bet is she didn't know what she was getting into.  That's okay, 'cuz neither do I.

CJ Mason

JH:  First of all, CJ, thank you very much for agreeing to let me interview you, even after I told you from the get-go that I don't have a clue what I'm doing.

CJ:  That's okay.  When I started in radio, I didn't know what I was doing either.  I'm happy to be part of the learning process with you!

JH:  So, for those of us who don't know – and for those poor unfortunate souls who don't listen to HIS Radio (for shame, for shame!) – what does a Community Outreach Coordinator do?  And what are your other responsibilities at the station?

CJ:  It's a good thing I have a big head – physically – because I wear a lot of hats.  ;)  Community Outreach Coordinator means that I have the privilege of handling our outreach events.  Some of those include: our regular annual events like Hearts4Kids (collecting homemade Valentine's cards and delivering them to hospitalized children at eight local hospitals on Valentine's Day); Blanket Bundles (collecting canned goods wrapped in new or used blankets for 5 different homeless shelters); and Give Life & Get Ready (a blood drive and disaster awareness event).  I also organize our new Teacher of the Month recognition program that we just started this past school year, where we take nominations via our website and then recognize a Christian School teacher in our area once a month.  Another thing that falls under that umbrella is getting to coordinate individual, as-needed outreach events – like the Toys4Kids drive we did after the tornadoes that swept through our area a couple years ago.  As far as "other" responsibilities, I get to do the local news every weekday morning at 7am and 8am.  I also get the opportunity to record and/or produce several of the spots heard on our station for everything from "advertising" spots for our business ministry partners, to spots for upcoming concerts and other events, to spots that promote the events that I get to coordinate as the COC.  The "Board Operator" part of my position means that I make sure the Morning Show (which is actually aired via satellite from our sister station in Greenville, South Carolina) stays on the air here.  I also make sure the local weather and traffic reports are downloaded, mixed, edited, and put into the playlist so they play here in our local area.  Oh, and if you ask the rest of the staff around here, since I'm one of the first in every morning, my most important responsibility is making the first pot of coffee every day.

JH:  Wow, that's incredible!  Sounds like a lot of work, but I'm sure it's very rewarding.  So, how long have you been in radio – specifically, Christian radio?

CJ:  I have only ever worked in Christian radio.  I grew up in the Toledo, Ohio area, and my dad was very involved with the Southern Gospel station there.  So I got to spend a little time around their studios when I was a kid.  I wasn't able to do anything on the air then, but the studio sure looked a lot different [then] than 30+ years later when I started volunteering at WCLN in Fayetteville.  After volunteering to do voice-overs for them for a few years, they offered me an afternoon DJ position.  However, I knew my husband (at that time) was going to be getting out of the Air Force soon, which would require a move.  I didn't want to commit to them and then have to quit.  Turning down that job was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  So, as soon as we moved to Raleigh I looked up HIS Radio and started volunteering with them.  After a few years of that, they asked me to come on staff just to fill in as the Board Operator when one of the full-time staff members was on vacation or out of town.  As the station was able to expand its staff, they asked me to come on regular hours as the Board Operator in 2006.  Then, in January of 2011, I was hired on full-time and the other job responsibilities were added.

JH:  Awesome!  So, what would you say is the best part about working in Christian radio?

CJ:  Wow!  There are a lot of things that could fit this description.  It is way cool to get to hang out with some of the top Christian artists from time to time.  And I can't tell you the last time I actually had to buy a ticket to a concert.  It's also pretty fulfilling to get to award concert tickets and other great prizes to listeners who participate in our contests.  However, the best part definitely comes in the fact that, because we are a Christian station, we have the privilege and honor of being able to be part of pointing people to Jesus on a daily basis.  We hear quite often from folks thanking us for being such a blessing to them.  We get to bring life and hope to the lost, and encouragement to the found.  It just doesn't get much better than that.

JH:  I couldn't agree more.  Christian radio is a blessing and an encouragement.  It also comes in handy when you feel a sudden bout of road rage coming on.  But I'm getting off-topic.  Sorry...  So, what would you say is the worst part about working in Christian radio?  Or, better put, what are the biggest challenges you face in the Christian radio (for lack of a better word) industry?

CJ:  Unfortunately, just about every ministry also has to have some business aspects to it.  I wish we didn't have to ask our listeners to support us financially.  And I wish every concert we hosted could be free.  And I wish I could take every phone call that comes in during our contests and give them all a great prize.  But the reality is that the artists have to make a living to support their families.  And we all have to make a living to support our families.  And if folks could see all the equipment needed to send a radio signal out to thousands of people in Eastern North Carolina every minute of every hour of every day... it would probably be clear why we also need to be a business.  Of course, ministry is always the primary motivation for everything we do, but the business part is necessary, too!

JH:  Oh, absolutely!  So, CJ, I see from your bio (on the HIS Radio WRTP website) that you're the mother of three daughters.  In your personal experience, do you think that it's easier or harder to reach young people today with good, God-honoring music?  There seem to be more and more distractions that fight for their attention these days.

CJ:  I can definitely see a difference in this compared to the generation in which I grew up.  I think as young people become exposed to Christian music and then grow up and pass that on to their children, it becomes easier to reach young people with good, wholesome music.  The problem is that parents are disconnected and assume that the music their kids are listening is the same "not so bad" stuff they listened to in the '70s or '80s.  I'm a firm believer in the "garbage in, garbage out" theory!  We have to get past the idea that "it's just music."  Music is a very powerful medium – especially to those who have musical talents.  I remember word-for-word most of the songs I learned in choir in the 5th and 6th grade.  And satan knows that!  Therefore, I myself have to be very careful what I listen to.  I wish we would realize that our kids are no different and go out of our way to make sure they have the Christian alternatives to what the world has to offer.  There truly is a good-quality Christian music equivalent to about every genre of secular music out there.  And that does make it easier to reach young people, but the parents have to encourage it!

JH:  That's so true, and I can attest to that personally.  When I was a teenager, I was listening to a lot of stuff I knew that a Christian young person probably shouldn't listen to; but I listened because I liked it.  I was big into Alanis Morissette at the time when I heard a few songs by Rebecca St. James (from the GOD CD) which sounded very similar musically but had way better lyrics.  It wasn't necessarily the style of music that my parents liked or were used to, but they recognized that the "new" music was better than the "old" I'd been listening to before.  I was sold on Christian music then and there – but I'm afraid that not all kids today are that easily convinced.  Okay, two more "serious" questions, then this whole thing will devolve into utter silliness – if you're okay with that.  First, I know that you get to meet and interact with a lot of Christian artists and bands at the various concerts hosted by HIS Radio. Who is the most memorable artist or band that you've met personally – and why?

CJ:  Oh, now you're asking me to pick favorites.  To avoid that, I'll choose favorites in a few categories.  The humor award would have to go to an artist we don't really play, but I've had the privilege to work with a few times.  And that's KJ-52.  He's just crazy!  The random award would definitely go to Jamie Grace.  She's just a cutie – inside and out – and you never know what's going to come out of her mouth!  The humble award definitely has to go to tobyMac!  I've spent time with him on several occasions and just become more and more impressed with his "down-to-earth" attitude.  The ministry-minded award has to go to Casting Crowns, without a doubt!  Most folks don't know that they – the band members – [don't] accept a salary for their concerts.  They are all full-time pastors and earn their living from that.  The proceeds from everything else go to sponsor a number of charities and ministries.  They are also one of the few groups I've seen to actually all meet together in the auditorium to have devotions before the show, and then spread out to different areas of the seating and pray over the folks who will be filling them.  And when I say they "all" meet, I mean they ALL meet.  Merchandising people, managers, band members, sound and lighting crew, family that may happen to be around, even the runners and anyone else who wants to join.  Their concerts truly are about ministry above anything else!  I could come up with an award for everyone.  There truly are only a couple groups/individuals that didn't impress me, and I choose to give them the benefit of the doubt that we all have bad days.

JH:  That's fascinating!  Most of the groups and artists you mentioned are among my favorites, and it's reassuring to know that they live out their faith – not just "talk the talk" in their music because they think that's what we want to hear.  Okay, lastly, if you weren't working in Christian radio, what job would you most like to do?

CJ:  Either acting in Christian films or being a missionary in Africa!

JH:  Interesting!  So, if I ever get around to making my first Christian film, I can give you a call?

CJ:  Absolutely!  If Christian film had been what it is now when I was young, I definitely would have pursued it.  I've been acting since I was a child.  I did have the opportunity to tour with a professional Christian drama ministry when I was a young adult, but now I have kids of my own to take care of.  I do still act/write/direct at my church, and have been encouraged to sign with a local agency, but it would have to be something very local for me to be able to do it.  Unless, of course, the pay is good – LOL!

JH:  Wow!  That's something that we actually have in common then.  I've been acting in and directing dramas at my church for the last dozen or so years now.  How cool is that?  Okay, now that we've covered all the "serious" questions, the real madness can begin!  First off, what is the funniest or most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you on the air?

CJ:  I'm not actually on the air live very much, but I did get into a spell one day where "dot com" just would not come out of my mouth.  For some reason, I kept saying "dot clom."  No clue where that "l" came from in there, but the harder I would think about it before it came out, the more I would mess it up.

JH:  Yeah, that happens to me all the time.  Which is probably a good reason for me not to ever work in radio.  Okay, you mentioned earlier that you're originally from the Toledo area – which according to Google Maps (and not my innate knowledge of Ohio geography), isn't all that far from Cleveland.  So I have to ask – LeBron James: love him, hate him, or couldn't care less?

CJ:  LeBron who???

JH:  That definitely answers my question...  Okay, so being on the air primarily in the mornings, I'm guessing you probably get a really early start to your day.  What's your favorite "wake-me-up" beverage?  Coffee, an energy drink, or something else entirely?

CJ:  Definitely coffee.  However, it's not the caffeine, because I actually avoid the addiction by using half-caff.  But it's the smell and the thought of having a hot beverage in the mornings that wakes me up.

JH:  Wish I could say the same – for me, it's the caffeine.  And I'm probably addicted.  Okay, next question...  Describe yourself in three words, all of which end in the letter "S."

CJ:  His, humorous (or so I've been told), and ageless.

JH:  Great answers! And I read your Facebook posts – "humorous" is definitely accurate.  Next up... If you could be a superhero (keeping in mind that it hasn't been proven that you're not one already), what would you want your superpowers to be?

CJ:  Well, Jaime Sommers was my hero as a kid.  I had the doll, her blow-up home/power center, and all the tubes that plugged into her.  So any powers that come with that totally cool sound effect are good with me!

JH:  In all honesty, I had to Google "Jaime Sommers" just then.  But then I saw that she was The Bionic Woman, and I was totally with you.  It is an awesome sound effect!  Okay, so are you a "cat person," a "dog person," a "parakeet person," or none of the above?

CJ:  I have a cat and a dog, but the dog and I both believe the cat is nothing more than a furniture ornament.

JH:  Having three "furniture ornaments" at home, I would agree that they do tend to serve that purpose and not much else.  Next question... What is the plural of hyena?  Besides the name of this blog, that is.

CJ:  Oh, OH!  I'm a homeschool mom!  I know this one!  Dogs!  Just kidding!  And yes, I know hyena are not even part of the dog family.  Did that answer your question?

JH:  Mostly, yes.  Okay, now what are four things you would never leave home without, in alphabetical order?

CJ:  Cell phone, earrings, a purpose, and spiritual armor!

JH:  Excellent!  What is your favorite flavor of ice cream, and where do you go to get it?

CJ:  Elvis from Lumpy's Ice Cream in Wake Forest!

JH:  I'm not sure I want to know what "Elvis" tastes like, but fair enough.  Okay, that about wraps it up.  Do you have any questions for me?

CJ:  What do you do when you're not writing blogs?

JH:  I write about clothes mostly, oddly enough.  I'm a copywriter for Gander Mountain, a national sporting goods company.  I write the apparel product descriptions – primarily for their website, but also for their catalogs.  When I'm not doing that, I'm probably at home with my wife, or at church preparing for, practicing, or performing in one of the dramas.

CJ:  That's cool!  I'll bet you're really good with adjectives then, huh?

JH:  Yeah, and I have to get really creative with them sometimes. I mean, seriously, how many different words can be used to describe a pair of pants – they're rugged, comfortable, they stretch, resist abrasions, and etc. – it makes you see your clothes in a completely different way.  Okay, last question.  For those of us out there who haven't been paying good enough attention, where and when can we listen to you on HIS Radio?

CJ:  I'm on for local news in the mornings at 7am and 8am, but the spots I record can be heard throughout the day (very little radio is actually live anymore).  As far as where to hear, that depends on where you live.  We have several frequencies throughout the Triangle and Eastern NC.  We're also in the process of boosting some of our lower wattage signals.  You can always listen online and/or find the frequencies closest to you at our webpage: www.hisradiowrtp.com.

JH:  Sounds great!  Any final thoughts or comments you'd like to add?

CJ:  This was fun!  Thanks for the opportunity to share a little about myself!

JH:  You're welcome!  And thanks again, CJ, for agreeing to do this interview.  You're a really good sport!